I was raped at 14 years and since then my self esteem has been near zero. I never spoke to anybody about the incidence cos i was scared they will all blame me. So i tried to deal with all that pain by myself. It was really hard and most night all i did was cry till i fell asleep. While growing up i learnt to hide my pain behind deep layers of make up and a broad smile that everybody loved, so nobody really knew how much i hurt on the inside.
Growing up was
really hard for me, because i kept looking for love in all the wrong
places. Most times i ended up with guys who jus slept with me n dumped
me or said they loved me but cheated on my sorry ass one too many times.
I got fed up and decided the whole love thing was jus a fluke. So i
figured out a way to keep body n soul together without getting
emotionally involved jus so that i can save myself the hurts and torture
of a heart break. I have been with a handful of guy cos most guys ended
up complaining about how emotionally distant i was despite being in a
r/s with them so i had to let go over n over again. Anyway, when i
finished from uni, i decided it was about time to get my act together.
All my friends started getting married and my folks started having the
marriage talk with me so i decided i might as well try to get myself
into a serious r/s. I had a couple of r/s that didnt work, then finally i
met this guy.
Really great
guy, amazing character. Said he loved me like crazee and being with him
was so easy. He made me feel safe enough to love him. I told him
basically everything about me but i didnt tell him i had slept with his
friend before cos in my opinion he isnt so close to the said friend and
secondly this happened long before i knew him(i.e my bf) and thirdly it
was jus a fling, something that happened just once. Anyway, 4months into
our r/s he started hearing a lot of stuff about me and the fact that i
had been with his friend. He confronted me and at that point i knew it
was useless to lie so i admitted.
To cut the long
story short, after much arguing and drama, he said this is friend is
someone that will probably be a part of his life for a very long time
and he just doesnt know how be is going to deal with the thought that
his friend has slept with his wife before i.e if he ends up marrying me.
So he told that he needed space to clear his head.
I have been
miserable cos i dont know what to do. I dont know if he means we have
broken up or not. Just when i got the courage to love again and plan a
future with someone, this comes up to try and ruin it!
I thought love
covers all things, it beareth all, endureth all and never fails. Isnt he
just suppose to forgive me and love me despite my past,frailties and
mistakes?
I need advice
cos right now i dont know whether to hold on and hope he will forgive me
or just try and move on with my life cos i am totally confused right
now.
Thank you.
*His friend will always be around and your boo will never forget...Do
you want this kind of arrangmement?....that friend is such a loud mouth
and your boo probably is as well.what man will sit down and listen to
his friend telling him about having slept with his future wife?hisss!
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